Symphony in G major

ALLEGRO

Pidder pat pidder pat
Which one is it? Ma-ma? You got him?  Thanks.  CRY.  Silence.  Drifting...
Pidder pat pidder pat
Mommy, I had a bad dream.  Back to bed.  Snuggle.  Drifting...
Wiggle.     Wiggle.     Wiggle wiggle wiggle.   Time for sleeping.  I can't.  You can.  Twitch.
Still.   Sharp CRY.   Up.   Get him out before others wake.  Is he pulling on his ear?   Where's the medicine dropper?   Mum mum!
Nurse nurse nurse.  Drifting...  STARTLE.  6:40. 

Wake up!  Wake up!  Long sleeves, cold day, sweats in wash, settle for jeans.  NO!  YES. 
Milk first, then honey.  Sausages.  Eat!  I am!
GRRRRRRinding coffee.  WHEEEE tea kettle.  Fish sticks and apple sauce.  Where have all the water bottles gone?  Shoes!  Shoes!  Eat!  Eat!  I am!  I am!  Brush teeth, jacket.  Backpack.  No time for fooling!  Let's go!  

Street, cold, dark, trash.  A bus.  Passes.  Another.  Another.  Cold, dark, windy.  Three maybe five minutes to find out what So-and-so did at lunch yesterday, or did you know we have to have Gym in our classrooms this week?  So unfair.
Blinking lights, hugs, kisses blown through the window, little faces disappear.

Can I have a snuggle on the coach?  Ma-ma!  More fish sticks and apple sauce.  Cheese sticks and pretzels.  Thermoses and little boxes.  Bananas bananas bananas.  I want a waffle!  How do you ask?  Please?  With maple syrup, and a sausage.  I want a boiled egg!  I want Shrek cereal!  Time to get dressed.  But I need a red shirt!  Harry Potter wears a red shirt when he's on his Quidditch!  

Why are we rushing?  Because we're late again!  Why are we always late?  I don't know.  Jackets!  Hats!  Backpacks!  In the stroller.  EW!  Tucker has a poop!  Do you have a poop?  No!  SNIFF.  Yes.  Jackets off.  Upstairs we go.  Wiggle wiggle, roll over, escape.  Pin.  SCREAM.  Wipe.   JACKETS.

In stroller we go.  NO!  Arch back arch back NO NO NO!  Run to the corner, then in.  Run run run run run, WIPE OUT.  Ahhhh!  Boo-boo check?  Kiss kiss, good as new.  Run run run run run. 

Billy on street corner.  VRRRRMMMM, bus.  Did you know that an octopus squirts ink to hide from the shark so he can't find him to eat him-  VRRRRRMMM, street cleaner. 

Park.  Joggers, bikers, strollers, scooters.   Breathe.   Sky.   Wind.   I spy with my eagle eye.   Knock knock, who's there?  Ach...   Gezuntit!  Hahahaha..  Mama, nana!  More banana? 

Drop off, good morning!  Who are we today?  Superman?  Harry Potter?  Welcome to Red town!  Blue town!  We're going to make challah!  Have a good day.  Bye bye Mama!  See you later!  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.

ANDANTE

Walk home. Walk.  Check email.  Walk.  Text.  Walk.

MODERATTO

Tea, desk, tap tap tap tap, blog blog, email email email.  Phone call this, phone call that. 

Change laundry.  Clean up kitchen.  Phone call this, phone call that.  Post office.  Change laundry.  Email email email email. 

Photos.  Still.  Sad boy.  Excited boy.  Laughing boy.  Big boy.  Tiny boy.   Hot on mountain top.  Cold in blizzard.  Chasing, flying, swinging, swimming.   I can see the boys they used to be.

Write.  Email.  Text.  Change laundry.

Jacket.   Walk walk walk.  Phone call.  Walk.  Pick up #1.  How was his day?  He ate beans, rice, grapes, yogurt... He make a poo poo.  Again?   Heavy lids.  Succumbs to stroller.  Out...

Bump up, bump up, bump up, bump up...  Wheel in house.  Deep breathing. 

Heat left-overs.  Email, text, email, bills, to-do.  Phone call.  Still sleeping.  Email, text, change laundry. 

2:55?!

PRESTO

BUMP BUMP BUMP, back down stairs stroller goes.

RUN MAMA RUN.  Slalom stroller through Bishop Ford kids.  Past park.  Joggers, bikers, blurr.  Check clock.   Text while running.  Sweat.  

PICK UP #2.  How was your day?  Good.  We made Rainbow cake, and ate TWO pieces!  Great!

Bananas bananas yogurt yogurt granola bars.  Playground.  Blast-off!  No throwing sand!  Share!  Cheese sticks.  Veggie booty.  Five more minutes!

HUSTLE.  Park.  Joggers, bikers, blurr.  Sun in eyes.  Mommy, my chicks!  Yellow buses pass.  Duncan's?  HUSTLE HUSTLE.  Check clock.  HUSTLE.  Text - r u at bus stop?  Running late.  No answer.  Sweat.

Joe's Pizza.  Blinking lights.  Hi, sweetie!  How was your day?  Good.  Can we have a playdate with Ava?  Can we play Zoombinis?  Can I have a playdate with Charlie?  Can we watch Nemo?

ADAGIO

First, snack.  Then homework.  AW!  Rice cakes, cheese sticks, carrots, grapes.  Sharpen pencil.  Head bowed over table.

Superman makes a rescue, or Harry Potter flies a car while Lou disassembles the fridge or steals iphone ("po") for a TED talk or music video. 

Markers and coloring books.  Playdough and clay.  Dry ingredients and wet ingredients.  Cookies.  What should we make for-

ALLEGRETTO

He took my-!  He hit my-!  GIVE ME THAT! CRY.  Is that how we handle it?  Do you need a time out?  Try again nicely.  Offer a trade.  Let him have a turn.  Try that again?  How can you ask nicely?  You can solve this problem.  If you don't find a way to work it out, there won't be any XYZ...  When is Daddy getting home?  Soon.  AW.

Itadakimasu, Yoedvadyotkivanuk.  Dinner.  Use a utensil.  Knees stay under the table.  Don't lean on me.  Did we say thank you for this great dinner?  Thank you.  But it's not my taste.  Can I have more milk?  Three more bites.  How many?  Snarf.  But I don't like peas!  Have you been excused?  I have to use the bathroom!  Can I have some more milk?  You just had some-  Tucker, milk is not for pouring on your dinner!  Giggles giggles.  Eat.  How was your day?  Mortgage this, boss that, teachers-- Daddy!   Did you notice he was talking?  Sorry!  Remember to say excuse me.  Work this, that- EXCUSE ME!  And wait for an opening-  GUESS WHAT?!  (surrender) What?  (More wine?)

Bath time!  Five more minutes!  Legos.  Markers.  Flying cars and quidditch sticks.  Bath time!  But we had a bath last night!  Bath time.  Aw. 

Splash splash splash.  Bum bum this, bum bum that.  Spit.  NO SPITTING.  Shampoo.  But my boo-boo hurts!  Brush teeth.  Open up... Wiggle wiggle roll, pig pile!  Hahahaha!  Open so I can reach back teeth.  Tongue?  Enough, out.  Out!  No jumping, slippery!  Pajamas.  But I can't find my superman undies! 

Choose your books.  SNOW.  Wow, you read it yourself, Reeve!  Wiggle wiggle.  Mummum!  Mummum!  Pig pile.  Doggie Peekaboo.  That's right, there's silly doggie!   HP3.  What's that word?  "Persuade."  Daddy, I read the first page of chapter twelve by myself!  Wiggle wiggle.  Lunge.  Fly. But I want a snuggle!  You will have one.  That's all for tonight.  Just two more pages!  PLEASE!  Grimace.  Protest protest.  Bed time.

LARGO

Lou dinner take 2 with Choo Choo downstairs with Daddy.  Big boys in Bed.  Sing- I Love you, Reevie- I mean, Harry!  I love you, Harry!.... Shalom Aleichem.  Snuggle snuggle, I'm sorry for when we had tough words this afternoon, me too, I love you, I love you too, sweet dreams.  Sing again- I love you, Duncan, I love you, I love ... I need tissues!  Water.  Have to go pee pee.  Snuggle snuggle.  I love you, I love you too. 

Lou.  Mum mum.  Snuggle.  Water bottle.  Climb, crawl, giggle, lunge, sigh, lie, sleep.

Sleep.

Pidder pat pidder pat...

Around the Bend

When we were finishing the film about Mr. Jimmy Moore, my composer, John Keith, had the great idea to base the musical score on Mr. Jimmy's own footsteps.  John sampled his footfalls, using Jimmy's natural rhythm to give rise to the film's up-beat sound.

This May I got nervous as I searched for Mr. Jimmy on the crowded fluorescent-lit corridor at the VA nursing home.  The residents who could walk shuffled, gripping rails along the walls; many were wheelchair-bound.  What if he'd declined so much I couldn't recognize him?   But then he appeared. Though his face had aged a lot, I could never mistake the rhythm of that gait.

Mr. Jimmy passed away a few days before this Christmas.  His decline was rapid, according to his family, brought on by pneumonia, itself probably brought on by aspirating a food particle into his lungs.  It's painful for me to imagine Mr. Jimmy, who loved breathing hard on his runs, struggling to breathe and restrained to a bed.  Was he frightened?  I wish I could ask him how he felt, what he wanted, what he understood to be God's will in it all, what the final moment was like.  He  spoiled me by sharing so much about the defining moments of his life until now--including what it was like to lose his grip on his memory.  I grew to depend on him as a guide for life.

I am really struggling to say goodbye to my dear friend.  I slip into that particular form of magical thinking afforded by distance to pretend he is still "out there," and would answer my call, if I could just dig up the right phone number.  I enact the call in my imagination.  He would answer with his usual enthusiasm, "Well, HEY, Samantha!  How ARE you!?"  ("Hah are yew!?")  Before hanging up, he'd say, "You'll never know how much your call means to me.  I love you!"  ("Ah luuv yew!")

In between we might talk about things like running (of course) -- what to do about tight hamstrings?  How best to train for a marathon?  Should I run through a sore knee or plantar fasciitis?  What kinds of cross-training are best?   The merits of meat vs. vegetarian diets.   Or how running marathons helped prepare me for giving birth.  (I can still hear him chuckling during that one!)

Or about matters of faith and worship, where he remained an independent thinker.   (Though many of his fellow Southern Baptists eschewed alcohol, Mr. Jimmy believed Jesus wouldn't have turned water into wine if wine were evil.)  We might talk about Jewish and Christian ways of seeking a relationship with the divine.  Or about the relationship of doubt and faith.  In his reading of the Bible love trumped judgment.

Or about history-- lessons learned coming of age in the Great Depression (he theorized that the Depression was God's preparation for World War II, forging the fortitude his generation needed to fight and win.)  About the Mississippi of his childhood, the railroads, about cleaning up the mess the Germans made of Italian railroads, learning meditative techniques to survive intense pain and discomfort on transport ships across the Atlantic, and how such techniques can help in every- day life.  And about race -- about his hunting friendship with a Black man years ago, about the chasms between and shared fates of Blacks and Whites in Mississippi.

And always we'd talk about love and family-- How to handle constitutional differences with a spouse?  How to handle different stages with children?  What's the role of faith and Faith in marriage?   What was it like to say goodbye to his life partner?  What different kinds of love and friendship hold us in life after one's partner departs?

At the end of our chats, we'd usually remark again how unexpected it was to find such a friend in each other.  He'd be labeled a "Red-Stater," while I'd get branded a "Latte Liberal."  (What ridiculous labels!)  We were separated by 48 years.  His roots sank deep in rural Mississippi where he lived his whole life.  I can't get more Yankee, and I've wandered all over -- California, Mississippi, New York, Japan.  He attended community college, then devoted 42 years to dispatching on the railroad.  I've completed several degrees, and I'm still figuring out what color my parachute is.  When I moved in across the street on a short-term teaching assignment in 1992, we should have become nothing more than polite neighbors.  Instead he became one of my best friends. 

I recognize this point in The Story, when the protagonist has to say goodbye to the beloved mentor and step up to a new position in the Order of Things.  But I don't know exactly what that means, and I don't feel ready.  I am greedy for more -- more of his wisdom, his stories, his robust laughter and radiant smile, his quick footsteps that barely touched the earth, the comfort he provided that it's all going to work out down the road, around the bend.  From here on, I will need to listen for the rhythm of his footsteps to lead me where I can't yet see.